Most people have a family physician. Many, especially business owners, also have an accountant and an attorney. Fewer, however, have financial planners. Some of the reasons they give include:

• I am not sure what a financial planner does.

• I don’t know how to find a competent financial planner.

• I don’t have enough money to need financial planning.

• I can or should be able to do my own financial planning.

• I don’t want to give up control of my financial affairs.

• I will not receive value for my money.

• I can’t afford a financial planner.

Most of these reasons can be summed up this way: “I don’t think I would get sufficient value for what I would have to pay a financial planner.”

This is certainly a valid concern. Some of it stems from a lack of knowledge about what a financial planner does.

A common misunderstanding is that financial planners only manage investments. Many people believe they can and should do this themselves. Certainly, there are countless websites, software programs, and books that will tell you how to wisely save, invest, and spend your money. Most people, however, would rather spend their time doing what they love or want to do instead of becoming investment specialists.

In addition, investing is only one aspect of financial planning. True financial planners work with clients in seven areas: retirement planning, investments, estate planning, tax strategies, asset protection, cash flow planning, and financial coaching. Very few people are competent at addressing all these issues, any more than most people can be their own physicians.

Another legitimate fear is that the planner will not be competent. This is particularly a concern because anyone can use the term “financial planner” regardless of whether they are actually engaged in financial planning. To represent yourself as a lawyer, physician, or therapist without holding the appropriate licenses is a crime. That is not the case with financial planning.

Finding a competent planner, therefore, requires some research. One criteria is to look for the CFP® designation, your assurance that the planner has completed the courses required for national certification. This is no guarantee that you’ve found a practicing financial planner, but is at least an indication of a certain level of training.

A second suggestion is to ask for references from friends who may have financial planners, from attorneys, or from accountants who do not also offer financial planning services. Internet sources include the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (www.napfa.org) and the Financial Planning Association (www.fpanet.org).

A crucial question to ask as you interview planners is how they are compensated. My bias is toward fee-only planners, who earn their income from direct fees to clients rather than through commissions on investment or insurance products they sell. This means they will make investment decisions based on the best potential return for you, not the best immediate return for themselves.

Good financial planning, like many other professional services, costs money, at least initially. It means laying bare your financial soul, which is harder for many people than physically undressing for their doctors. It means working in partnership with your spouse. It requires your commitment to collaborate with the financial planner.

Making such a commitment can be a wise long-term investment, in much the same way regular visits to your doctor can help maintain your health. The purpose of financial planning is to help you identify your life goals, then manage your resources in the best way to help you reach those goals. This goes far beyond helping you achieve financial success. It can help you to lead a more satisfying and fulfilling life.

One of my aspirations in life is to see the world. Both my wife and I enjoy visiting new places and experiencing different cultures. We’ve learned, however, that there’s a price to pay for those relaxing, pleasurable visits to the world’s fascinating places. It’s called “travel.” Being someplace new is enjoyable. Getting there usually is not.

A few years ago I set out on a mission to eliminate or at least reduce the stress of travel. So far, I have mostly failed to reach my goal.

It’s not for lack of trying. I start a trip by comparison shopping. I make the travel arrangements far enough in advance to get the best routes, departure times, and seats. I have detailed checklists to keep me from forgetting an important item. I pack one week ahead of my flight to be sure everything I want to take is cleaned, available, or otherwise ready to go.

My goal is to walk out the door on the morning of a trip, calm, cool, and refreshed. I am usually successful. Then I get to the airport. Even with all my preparation, about 50 percent of the time, the “stress free” part of a trip ends in the parking lot of Rapid City Regional Airport.

I’ve learned that, even if a trip is intended as a vacation, it’s not a good idea to expect the vacation to start until you actually arrive at your destination. Traveling today requires you to be totally alert, completely conscious, at all times. You’ve got to have your “game face” on from the moment you arrive at the airport.

When travel snafu’s happen—and in my experience they happen often—you often have a small window of time to assess the options and make the best decisions. Failure to do so may mean standing in lengthy lines, sleeping in airports, and becoming separated from your luggage for several days.

If (or perhaps I should say “when) a flight is cancelled or delayed, it is crucial that you are one of the first people in line to rebook your itinerary. Available seats on later flights go quickly. If you are one of the unconscious folks at the end of the line, you may end up waiting for several flights, maybe even several days, before finding open seats.

Being at the front of the line, however, does not necessarily mean physically standing in front of an agent. It could also mean being one of the first folks to contact a reservation agent by phone, preferably your cell phone. I’ve learned to do both. Call the airlines reservation line while you get into the ticket line. Your goal is to get to an agent, usually any agent, as fast as possible.

Another tip is to get a heads-up on the announcement that the flight has been cancelled. This can be tricky, but it can help to hang close to a gate agent who will inform you of a cancellation or delay prior to the official notice being posted or announced. Pay attention, as well, to what’s going on around you. On a recent flight, my first clue that something was wrong was seeing the ground crew drive all the waiting baggage carts back into the terminal.

So far, the necessity of traveling in “full alert” mode hasn’t quenched my desire to see the world or outweighed my enjoyment of visiting new places. I will continue on my quest for stress-free travel nirvana. Until I find it, I will accept the reality that traveling requires flexibility, attention, patience, and more than a little luck.

Making a marriage work is a 50/50 proposition, with each spouse being 100 percent responsible for his or her 50 percent. That said, there is also a 50 percent probability that the marriage will not work.

What happens to the 50 percent of people who face divorce? Most couples find two attorneys and spend months in an embittered battle over property, possessions, and custody. When the smoke clears, few spouses or children emerge emotionally or financially intact.

It doesn’t have to be this way. A process called collaborative divorce is another option. With this approach, the goal is for all parties—spouses and children—to have their highest priorities addressed. Every aspect of the divorce is negotiated, rather than leaving the decisions up to a trial judge.

The couple employs a divorce collaboration team, consisting of two attorneys, two divorce counselors, a child advocate, a financial expert, and, if there is a lot of real estate or a business, an appraiser. The team works in a collaborative fashion to resolve the financial, property, and custody issues inherent in most divorces. Collaboration means there are no secrets. The attorneys share information with each other and with the financial professionals. Hiding assets is not permitted. Nor is covering up the reason for the divorce.

The idea of creating such an environment is almost laughable when you consider that the couple probably stopped speaking to one another—or at least being civil—months ago. That is where the collaboration team comes in. The two divorce coaches support the spouses and help facilitate discussions between them. The coaches can help them separate their feelings of hurt, betrayal, sadness, and anger from the objectivity needed to make crucial financial or custody decisions they face. Making such decisions rationally is of extreme importance so that in the future they don’t regret a poor decision that was prompted by a difficult emotion.

A child advocate, typically a therapist, will work with the children, both to help them process the separation of their parents and to advocate for their best interests. A number of studies indicate that children of divorced parents who left on amiable terms are far less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs, or sex than the kids whose parents left embittered.

The financial expert can be a CFP®, CPA, or other qualified financial professional. This advisor’s job is to provide unbiased advice on how to fairly structure the division of assets and balance cash flows. This will include looking at the “big picture” and how a strategic split of the assets can best serve each spouse and the children. The financial expert (along with an appraiser if necessary) will facilitate the valuation of assets such as real estate, business interests, personal property, retirement plans, stock options, and other financial assets. He or she will also take into consideration each spouse’s earning capacity and cash flow needs.

In most cases, the process works. If however, the spouses can’t agree and decide to go to court, they cannot employ any of the professionals on the collaborative team during or after the divorce is completed. This means they must start over, from square one. This provision is necessary to ensure that every professional on the collaboration team is neutral and negotiating without bias.

You might think employing a team of professionals must cost much more than a normal divorce. According to what I’ve read, it actually costs about one-third as much as a contested divorce done in an adversarial way.

While no one wants to think about a divorce, if you do find yourself splitting the sheets someday, a collaborative divorce may be a better way.

The recent market correction had all the financial heads talking, especially on CNBC. I read several articles describing interviews with investors who were completely shocked that the markets could drop so suddenly. One said, “I have no idea what to do next.” Such a portrayal of investors and the markets being in a crisis would be funny, if it weren’t so sad.

Even sadder, a lot of investment advisors fall victim to the same crisis thinking, being totally surprised about the move and frantically looking for the “next big thing.”

Wise investors, however, don’t participate in this kind of drama. They expect such market declines and do the smart thing—nothing. Investing wisely is really, really boring.

While the equity markets declined about four percent last week, a portfolio with asset class diversification was down only one or two percent. What is asset class diversification? In addition to the usual asset classes of US and international stocks and bonds, a diversified portfolio will also include real estate, commodities and natural resources, market neutral funds, junk bonds, and Treasury Inflation Protected Securities (TIPS).

I’ve heard many investment advisors bemoan the terrible losses their clients suffered between 2000 and 2003. This is in stark contrast to my experience that investors who were diversified among asset classes lost nothing.

Yet polls have shown that three-fourths of financial planners don’t practice asset class diversification with their clients. Planners say it is hard to get clients to stick to an asset allocation plan when the markets are moving strongly up or down. Clients react with fear and even panic to that much volatility in their portfolios.

If a portfolio is well-diversified, most of that roller-coaster volatility is eliminated. Clients don’t panic, because they have no reason to. In 25 years of investment advising, I have had only four calls from panicking clients: one during the 500-point one-day drop in October 1992, one during the Asian meltdown in 1998, one on Sept 11, 2001, and one last week. I have absolutely no problem in getting clients to maintain an asset allocation plan.

One reason for this is my consistency in practicing real asset class diversification. By now, most of my clients understand that it works. A second reason is education. I spend a lot of time educating clients about the principles of diversification, expected asset class returns, volatility, and, yes, standard deviations.

The result of good investment education is that you will have reasonable expectations. You will understand there is no way your portfolio will return more than 10% over a long period of time. You will understand that it is normal for a portfolio with an expected long return of 7% to have annual returns anywhere between -15% and 25%. The last five years have seen diversified portfolios produce average returns of 10% to 15%, well above our expected long term return of 7%. Some sub-standard returns are to be expected in the future. When you know that a -5% return one year is as normal as a 15% return the next year, you don’t panic. You don’t make “the big mistake,” which is selling low and buying high.

So, when it comes to investing, give yourself a break from the drama of the Dow. Make “boring” your goal. Educate yourself, and diversify your portfolio among at least five asset classes. If you hire a financial planner, find one who actually practices asset class diversification. Then, whether you’re investing on your own or working with a planner, you can relax. You won’t need to run frantically for shelter whenever you hear, “The Dow is falling!”

“When I’ve had a tough day, I head for the mall.” “Shopping is therapy for me.” “There’s no situation so difficult that a new pair of shoes won’t make it better.”

All these statements are expressions of one form of dysfunctional financial behavior—using spending to medicate or soothe painful feelings. When stressed or in difficult circumstances, some people drink, some people eat, and some people shop.

I have worked with several clients with extreme forms of this behavior, who described their spending clearly as an addiction. It gave them a physical “high” similar to that experienced by an alcoholic or drug addict. Like other addictions, it had destructive consequences, such as creating overwhelming debt, draining life savings, destroying relationships, and even stealing from family members or employers.

Using spending as a medicator does not always show up in such dramatic ways, however. Even people who seem to live moderately and manage money responsibly can be “therapy shoppers” who spend in order to make themselves feel better.

At a workshop, I met Claire, a single woman in her 40s who had a well-paying job and a substantial net worth. She was investing part of her income, was current on all her financial obligations, and had only a modest amount of debt. She was certainly not spending beyond her means or jeopardizing her future security. She didn’t appear to be in any financial difficulty.

Yet, when we discussed people who medicate their difficult emotions with spending, Claire had an “aha” moment. “That’s what I’ve been doing for years,” she said.

Claire’s problem wasn’t the amount she spent. It was the reasons behind her spending. If she had a stressful day at work, she would go to the mall, in much the same way another person might stop at a bar for a couple of drinks on the way home. She would buy clothes, jewelry, knickknacks, kitchen gadgets, or whatever caught her eye. Most of her purchases would be on sale, and she didn’t spend huge amounts.

She never stopped to ask herself whether she needed, had a use for, or even wanted the things she bought. Shopping, finding bargains, and buying herself a “treat” were unthinking actions she used to soothe herself when she was upset. She didn’t spend more than she could afford, but she was spending time as well as money unproductively. She was also cluttering her house and her life with clothes she didn’t wear, knickknacks she didn’t care about, and gadgets she didn’t use.

Once she realized why she was shopping, Claire was able to find some more constructive ways to deal with stress. She learned that a conversation with a friend, writing in her journal, some quiet time spent in introspection, or taking a walk could serve the same purpose as a trip to the mall and were healthier responses to difficult days.

Claire also learned, when she did go shopping, to pause before buying anything and ask herself a simple question: “Why am I buying this?”

“Because it’s on sale,” or “Because I feel like it,” were no longer sufficient answers. By stopping to consider her reasons for what she bought, she was able to distinguish between the times she was shopping unthinkingly and the times she was shopping for something she genuinely needed or wanted. She began to make purchases more consciously.

If, like Claire, you have a pattern of heading for the stores whenever you’re upset, you might try pausing and asking yourself “why” before you make non-essential purchases. It can be an effective way to deal with spending as medication before the behavior causes serious consequences in your life.